Coronavirus Stress Is Real

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Category: Build Your Immunities

Created on Tuesday, 06 October 2020 09:18

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Is your partner up at 3 a.m.? Coronavirus stress is real. Here’s how to help.

Corona times are stressful for all of us. Anxiety has some people throwing themselves into work, others staying up till 3 a.m. trying to snag a grocery delivery slot and still others peering out their windows looking for neighbors who are not isolating or distancing. 

You might be seeing these behaviors inside your own house. Heightened anxiety can be hard to live with, both if you’re the one who has it or if you’re living with a partner and their worries 24 hours a day in isolation. 

All this hand washing, mask-wearing and food hoarding can be triggering for people with tendencies to obsess. You might see an anxious partner do something minor like “double” washing hands for 40 seconds — or experience something larger such as uncertainty about whether the tightness in their chest is a sign of covid-19. There also could be changes in appetite, sleep and irritability. 

Your partner or spouse might be bottling up these thoughts and tendencies. Or they might be talking about them nonstop.

If you think your partner is experiencing high levels of anxiety, what can you do to help?

Acknowledge anxiety is not all bad. It has its benefits.

Anxious people often feel a sense of shame and see it as a weakness, but they have many strengths, too. Anxiety has evolutionary advantages, such as being hypervigilant and always scanning the environment for danger, or forgoing food or sleep to solve a problem. There is evidence that having some highly anxious people in a tribe is advantageous. Anxious people can be quicker to mobilize in an emergency and may have better empathic accuracy. 

When anxiety is recast as a strength, people are more open to learning skills for channeling it in helpful directions.

Do something fun and new together

Humans are wired so that when we feel loved and connected, we also feel safe and secure. Even though it seems counterintuitive, simple, unfamiliar activities with a bit of a challenge can produce this connection more than familiar activities. Try branching out into activities in which everyone involved is a beginner. My spouse, our 4-year-old and I recently attempted to make puppies out of modeling clay for this miniature puppy training school. Our first efforts were pretty comical, but we got better at it and the friendly competition we cooked up was fun and absorbing. 

New and moderately challenging activities can take your mind off worries and provide a sense of exploration, which everyone needs when we’re stuck at home. Research shows that navigating mild, novel, quirky obstacles together results in couples feeling more satisfied with their relationship. 

When someone is anxious, it’s best to emphasize their ability to cope with problems rather than reassure them their fear won’t come to pass. Making a specific coping plan will soothe rather than accelerate anxiety. For example, “Let’s make a practical plan for what we would do if one of us started showing symptoms.” 

Notice what seems to work for your partner or ask them what kind of support they’d prefer. Anxious people who worry about being abandoned or their emotions overwhelming others typically like support that emphasizes that you will get through difficult situations together.

Find other topics of conversation that help you feel close to each other, like stories from childhood you’ve never told each other. Human connection and the sense of your partner being a safe, reliable base amid a storm are powerful antidotes to anxiety.

Curb rash decision-making

There are times when one person’s anxiety impacts their partner’s security, like if one wants to sell all joint investments. Partners help each other make good decisions during highly anxious times. If one partner is not replenishing medication while in isolation, the other should help them make a responsible decision. Partners shouldn’t jeopardize their own security by giving into rash impulses, like selling off all investments, but instead approach it as an anxiety management issue. For example, “How can we best manage how stressful it is to see our investment accounts down over 20 percent?” 

Helping someone who is anxious isn’t easy, especially if you’re also feeling anxious yourself. While people are feeling helpless and stuck in their homes, remember that there are plenty of ways to manage it. Also remember that sooner or later (hopefully sooner), life will be back to normal.

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By Alice Boyes

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/04/14/is-your-partner-up-3-am-coronavirus-stress-is-real-heres-how-help/

Alice Boyes, PhD, was a clinical psychologist in her native New Zealand before making the career switch to writing. She is author of “The Anxiety Toolkit” and “The Healthy Mind Toolkit.”